[ look, okay. hawke will be the absolute first to admit she's biased as heck about people having second personalities who need to be sat on but still. she loves dunking on anders like any good dragon age person should but that's still her shitty possessed mage damnit. caelus deserves the same respect and much much more. ]
I won't lie. The odds are terrible and I'm sure tomorrow will be one of the worse things I'll have to witness. But I'd rather have you- not that... that thing hanging about your shoulders- know that despite all this nonsense someone still gives a makers gods blessed shit and you'll head into whatever awaits with the memory of that. [...] Even if it might come with unwanted commentary.
Hawke, I'm--I... the things I did. I deserve what's coming tomorrow.
[ even if it wasn't 'him,' it was something nested inside of him. his hands. his kill. ]
But I'm scared. I want to hold everything as tight as I can. I want to say everything on my mind. I want to tell her that I wanted to slow down but I couldn't.
[ marina. a thick swallow as he averts his gaze down to his hands. they have li'l clawsies now. ]
[ she can't touch the veil but she can at least press against it? probably? she can't even find it right now let her have this ]
You will. All this is simply a stumble in your trail.
[ she absolutely believes that. even if they're all destined to meet their maker in the end of this nonsense, it's not the end of their stories. it can't be. ]
And... if her note is to be believed, she understood just as much as the rest of us do. That guilt is real. The memories are real. But you, Caelus, are not to be blamed. These enemies will only win when you give in to the despair they cause.
[ if only she could scrub his head right now to make her point ]
You are only responsible for your actions- not the ones these monsters puppet you into. Do not forget that.
[ he hears her, he absolutely hears her, but it's alpha week and there is a creature inside him raging at having been shoved back beneath the surface. his ears twitch and his tails poof but hawke will have trouble seeing the furry agitation. ]
Maybe Kanda was right.
[ this is the worst thing imaginable. look how far caelus has fallen. ]
By trying to make bonds with so many people here, everything I did hurts even worse. And now I can't do anything to fix it.
[ she can't throw pebbles at him but she looks like she wants to. stupid kanda. stupid caelus!!!1 ]
Even in the worst of it, as long as you know there are those who you can rely on, nothing will hold you back. Fall as many times as it takes to keep going, but know they'll always be there to haul you back up.
Trust me. [ this would probably be more effective if he also wasn't feeling alpha emotions but the sincerity is still there ]
[ why did anyone let those two meet? one was going to brush off on the other and the stronger personality is the asshole who's been alive for ??? years. ]
I do trust you.
[ that one is easy. ]
All of this, it's... not what I expected. I've been wondering about how sure everyone is that the afflicted would rather die than keep killing. I'm not disagreeing, I don't want to hurt anyone else.
[ he's supposed to be noble. a good person. a hero. ]
But I don't want to die, either. Not only because of the monster, but myself.
I'd be quite more worried if you wanted to. [ noooooo unaliving yourself! ]
No one should be forced to die just because of some nonsense like this. Finding a way to stop these monsters from hurting anyone else without such a drastic step... if only we had more time.
[ frustration!!!! she's not the mage of the family and never has she regretted it more than being unable to do nothing than yap worthlessly. if only there was a way to do more than just straight up stabbing each other ]
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[ seated on the ground, knees to his chest. tails batting the earth around him ]
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At least this [ she gestures vaguely to the pyre ] I can see well enough right now.
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[ at least...this attitude seems more like the guy she knew? in this moment ]
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[ she makes herself comfortable though. seems like she's not planning on going anywhere for the mo ]
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[ the tears of a dying clown ]
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Sounds to me you've got a good number of fools who care about you.
[ despite the temporary I AM EVIL NOW HUHUAHUA laughter. it's fine. happens to the best of us, really ]
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It hasn't done them any good. And half the time it isn't... me. And I say things I don't want to.
[ the amount of people he's mocked for caring about him, hawke--a prisoner in his own body. it's wearing him down to nothing ]
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[ look, okay. hawke will be the absolute first to admit she's biased as heck about people having second personalities who need to be sat on but still. she loves dunking on anders like any good dragon age person should but that's still her shitty possessed mage damnit. caelus deserves the same respect and much much more. ]
I won't lie. The odds are terrible and I'm sure tomorrow will be one of the worse things I'll have to witness. But I'd rather have you- not that... that thing hanging about your shoulders- know that despite all this nonsense someone still gives a makers gods blessed shit and you'll head into whatever awaits with the memory of that. [...] Even if it might come with unwanted commentary.
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[ even if it wasn't 'him,' it was something nested inside of him. his hands. his kill. ]
But I'm scared. I want to hold everything as tight as I can. I want to say everything on my mind. I want to tell her that I wanted to slow down but I couldn't.
[ marina. a thick swallow as he averts his gaze down to his hands. they have li'l clawsies now. ]
I want to hold someone's hand.
[ can't, though. veil. ]
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You will. All this is simply a stumble in your trail.
[ she absolutely believes that. even if they're all destined to meet their maker in the end of this nonsense, it's not the end of their stories. it can't be. ]
And... if her note is to be believed, she understood just as much as the rest of us do. That guilt is real. The memories are real. But you, Caelus, are not to be blamed. These enemies will only win when you give in to the despair they cause.
[ if only she could scrub his head right now to make her point ]
You are only responsible for your actions- not the ones these monsters puppet you into. Do not forget that.
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[ he hears her, he absolutely hears her, but it's alpha week and there is a creature inside him raging at having been shoved back beneath the surface. his ears twitch and his tails poof but hawke will have trouble seeing the furry agitation. ]
Maybe Kanda was right.
[ this is the worst thing imaginable. look how far caelus has fallen. ]
By trying to make bonds with so many people here, everything I did hurts even worse. And now I can't do anything to fix it.
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[ she can't throw pebbles at him but she looks like she wants to. stupid kanda. stupid caelus!!!1 ]
Even in the worst of it, as long as you know there are those who you can rely on, nothing will hold you back. Fall as many times as it takes to keep going, but know they'll always be there to haul you back up.
Trust me. [ this would probably be more effective if he also wasn't feeling alpha emotions but the sincerity is still there ]
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I do trust you.
[ that one is easy. ]
All of this, it's... not what I expected. I've been wondering about how sure everyone is that the afflicted would rather die than keep killing. I'm not disagreeing, I don't want to hurt anyone else.
[ he's supposed to be noble. a good person. a hero. ]
But I don't want to die, either. Not only because of the monster, but myself.
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No one should be forced to die just because of some nonsense like this. Finding a way to stop these monsters from hurting anyone else without such a drastic step... if only we had more time.
[ frustration!!!! she's not the mage of the family and never has she regretted it more than being unable to do nothing than yap worthlessly. if only there was a way to do more than just straight up stabbing each other ]