[ in a dingy gas station with aerith who he met a long time after he left herta space station. ]
Right here. Didn't mean to scare you.
[ lifting a hand to hold his own temple. ]
That was--that was after I woke up without my memories. It was at the Herta Space Station. I know what happens afterward. I join the crew of the Astral Express. The Stellaron is stable. Kafka...
[ it's hard to both mistrust and feel a string drawn taut between you and another person. ]
It's not me I'm worried about, really. That just seemed...really jarring for you. [she looses her grip just a little but she continues to peer into his face.]
...I'm glad that it was able to be stabilized after that. It seems so volatile. When you said it could detonate, I hadn't realized the full scale. [...] Do you know what happened to your memories?
[ it will become easier for him the next time he memshares it. aerith gets to enjoy the first time it occurs. ]
Kafka wiped them. All I know is before my memories start at the station, I followed her around for a while and she taught me how to take care of myself.
I don't understand why she would wipe them. [unless caelus knew something he wasn't supposed to. or unless he was a hoyoverse protag...] But you're not with her now, are you? You're with the other people you're traveling with.
[she's like "perhaps there is a link i am missing here but what the fuck happened to this boy."]
[ he's told enough people, why not someone he trusts as much as aerith? ]
My body was created artificially for the purpose of containing a Stellaron. It's why I'm immune to their corruption. Kafka might have thought the memories from before she put the Stellaron inside me weren't important. Or maybe I was different before the Stellaron.
[ game theories! ]
Either way, it's like you said, I travel with the Astral Express crew now. Kafka and I cross paths but she's someone you can only catch if she wants you to.
[she sort of got this idea from what he's said before about the stellaron, but having it spelled out solidifies it for her. she's curious, and she definitely has questions about this kafka woman but it's fine.]
Immune to the corruption but not the detonation. [sounds a little bad though. mostly she's very anti-people stealing memories and manipulating them, but...you know. caelus seems stable enough now and like he's surrounded with other people who do care about him. that has to be enough, sometimes.]
We've known a few people like that. [idly said, and nothing of importance.] ...do you think you'd ever want them back though? If that was an option for you.
[help that's fair. but...she hums to that softly.]
...it's been some time since then, hasn't it? And you've traveled with your crew to all of these places and met all of these new people. You've made all of these new memories that are yours and yours alone. Even if you got your old memories back from a different "you"...I think having all of the new memories and new connections means keeping the you you are now. All of those experiences and memories have shaped you into who you are right now, and I don't think regaining what you once had would change that. It's just making you a little more completed, even if you aren't lacking now.
[...like. knowledge does make people go insane, but she thinks caelus's connections and personality that's been shaped by the people around him and his experiences wouldn't drastically change him.]
[ he listens, because aerith is kind but also clever and thoughtful and those are qualities caelus finds difficult to ignore. until he arrived in scawwy and started sharing his story, nobody asked much about his time pre-waking up at herta. that was his own curiosity. the crew would have supported him either way. ]
... I don't think Kafka would give them back even if I asked.
[ she already had him jumping through hoops just to find his origins out in the first place. ]
[she wonders what it is that kafka's trying to really accomplish by doing this, but she's also sure that it's not like caelus knows, and asking him won't do. so instead, she focuses on what's more important.]
Then all the more reason to cherish the new memories you have, and keep making them with the people you're surrounded by. Right? Even in a place like this where things are hard and scary...it's worth experiencing things with people and learning more about yourself. Or that's just what I think.
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no subject
[ in a dingy gas station with aerith who he met a long time after he left herta space station. ]
Right here. Didn't mean to scare you.
[ lifting a hand to hold his own temple. ]
That was--that was after I woke up without my memories. It was at the Herta Space Station. I know what happens afterward. I join the crew of the Astral Express. The Stellaron is stable. Kafka...
[ it's hard to both mistrust and feel a string drawn taut between you and another person. ]
She tells me more about myself later.
no subject
...I'm glad that it was able to be stabilized after that. It seems so volatile. When you said it could detonate, I hadn't realized the full scale. [...] Do you know what happened to your memories?
no subject
Kafka wiped them. All I know is before my memories start at the station, I followed her around for a while and she taught me how to take care of myself.
[ how to meme ]
no subject
I don't understand why she would wipe them. [unless caelus knew something he wasn't supposed to. or unless he was a hoyoverse protag...] But you're not with her now, are you? You're with the other people you're traveling with.
[she's like "perhaps there is a link i am missing here but what the fuck happened to this boy."]
no subject
My body was created artificially for the purpose of containing a Stellaron. It's why I'm immune to their corruption. Kafka might have thought the memories from before she put the Stellaron inside me weren't important. Or maybe I was different before the Stellaron.
[ game theories! ]
Either way, it's like you said, I travel with the Astral Express crew now. Kafka and I cross paths but she's someone you can only catch if she wants you to.
no subject
Immune to the corruption but not the detonation. [sounds a little bad though. mostly she's very anti-people stealing memories and manipulating them, but...you know. caelus seems stable enough now and like he's surrounded with other people who do care about him. that has to be enough, sometimes.]
We've known a few people like that. [idly said, and nothing of importance.] ...do you think you'd ever want them back though? If that was an option for you.
no subject
I don't know. That's a 'me' I've never met.
[ was he different, before the stellaron? more-so different before the astral express crew's influence? ]
I want to know everything, but I don't want to stop being myself, either.
no subject
...it's been some time since then, hasn't it? And you've traveled with your crew to all of these places and met all of these new people. You've made all of these new memories that are yours and yours alone. Even if you got your old memories back from a different "you"...I think having all of the new memories and new connections means keeping the you you are now. All of those experiences and memories have shaped you into who you are right now, and I don't think regaining what you once had would change that. It's just making you a little more completed, even if you aren't lacking now.
[...like. knowledge does make people go insane, but she thinks caelus's connections and personality that's been shaped by the people around him and his experiences wouldn't drastically change him.]
no subject
... I don't think Kafka would give them back even if I asked.
[ she already had him jumping through hoops just to find his origins out in the first place. ]
no subject
Then all the more reason to cherish the new memories you have, and keep making them with the people you're surrounded by. Right? Even in a place like this where things are hard and scary...it's worth experiencing things with people and learning more about yourself. Or that's just what I think.