trashprince | scawwy: pc: iwatooshi

[ sure he can be at his apartment! i never wrote a description for it but it's got a cozy, traditional japanese style to it: tatami flooring, what looks to be shoji screens for walls with intricate paintings, a shelf of books and scrolls, a folded futon in one corner, even a bonsai plants on a small table. in the center of the space is the kotatsu, with cushions to sit around. a teapot and a few cups sit unused on the tabletop next to a small, broken blade. his naginata's resting in its stand for now. the only thing that doesn't seem to fit is a pin board on on the wall, displaying a variety of keychains.

anyway caelus catches him in the secondary robes of his battle garb, the sode already sitting atop the folded cowl and purple layer. he looks up to offer a small smile, but the vibes are mostly just tired and a bit sad. their kate... their cyoaers... today's been a little upsetting. ]

Hello, Caelus-dono. Are you feeling any better?

[ oh no his room is so nice. caelus has likely already seen it on occasion but this is sae's first time reading about it so i eat up these details greedily. cute cute cute.

by now he knows to take off his shoes at the door. ]

I am.

[ yeah. it's a complicated feeling. that's only two more dead, too. they need so many more. ]

But I want to know how you are.

Good. [ a beat. ] It's still odd to see you with such long hair, though.

[ he's gotten so used to cae's usual style... but it's fine, he doesn't dislike it.

as for him... well. the everpresent buzz of anxiety is a little hard to ignore, so he leaves the rest of his gear where it is to busy his hands with making tea instead. caelus can probably use it after the past few days, and keeping busy helps steady iwatooshi's mind. win-win. ]

It's a relief that they'll be able to do something for Kate-dono now. [ and that does come through, a bit, mingling with sorrow that she's been in that position at all. ] But I do find myself worrying that they'll have to vote for her instead of giving her a peaceful end, even after she's suffered for so long.

[ but cae's probably gotten to know him well enough by now to read him and tell that's not all there is to it. not that iwatooshi's ever been particularly good at hiding how he's feeling, but there's a constant, quiet thrum of anger deep, deep under all those surface emotions that he's trying very hard to keep in line. he won't bring that up. ]

[ bruh. or is it more like babe? whatever is the right b word for sensing that stuffed down anger iwatooshi clearly is unwilling to speak to on his own. there are others that caelus wouldn't press because it's never done him any good to try and draw them out. it's different with iwa, though, it's more like when he pushes, there's an interlocking instead of a shield.

at first he says nothing, walking to the kotatsu before taking a seat, legs pretzel-style. the relief and sorrow deserve acknowledgement as well. ]

You're angry about something.

[ haaa. well, barreling forward is totally his style, isn't it? ]

I can tell. You don't have to hide it around me. [ a glance to the door. good, he closed it behind him. they have their privacy. ] What is it...?

[ REWRITES TAGS ON MY PHONE I GUESS ]

I'm not trying to hide it from you. [ quietly, while he sets up the water to boil. ] Anger isn't something I'm proud of. But I think all of us feel the same way about certain things... what's happened to Kate-dono is just one of them.

[ caelus nods, although iwatooshi perhaps cannot see that so he'll also, you know. say something. ]

Are you mad at Anis for not wanting to kill her? [ they all saw she went for the knock-out ] Or Pesto for bubbling her?

[ vin, this one time, was perhaps in the right for aiming to stab a kid ]

No, I don't blame either of them. Kate-dono is still a child, so it's natural that they wouldn't want to hurt her. And it's practical to keep her alive, at least until they find another culprit or someone else who's been afflicted.

[ the way he speaks is very detached, but that rage still hums quietly in him, with a bit of frustration bubbling forth, too. ]

It's still cruel to her. But I think I'm angrier at the fact that we're powerless to do anything - either to free her, or to destroy the cult that started this in the first place.

[ he wants to kill them all soooooooo bad, caelus, just sooooo bad ]

[ caelus holds onto his own ankles as he sits. ]

We're getting there. [ there exists the scant possibility that caelus shouldn't actively encourage his favorite sword's bloodlust. but why the fuck not? the cult has treated them hideously. caelus is also really, truly on the verge of going apeshit. ]

We have more rocks and machine parts from the break-ins. And Laudna and Astarion were able to take back two objects from our journey in the fog. A jar with an eye floating in it and a box with runes carved on the outside. The box held another rock... with big googly eyes.

[ considering what caelus went through, this sounds kind of mocking doesn't it!!! these better be helpful objects and not red herrings. ]

We have to be closing in.

I know.

[ they're working on it, they're getting there, and there are constant reminders that all they can really do for now is wait. the problem is that iwatooshi has never been good at sitting still when there's a mission before him. ]

I don't do well with waiting. [ at least he's aware of it.

brings the pot back over to pour them both some tea. ]

...How are your memories, Caelus-dono?

[ refocusing on him, because iwa didn't really ask about it before. but having his mind messed with must have bothered him, right? given what he's said about his memories before, and that on top of the break-in, too... iwatooshi is still a little worried about him. ]

[ nooooo how did this turn around to talking about caelus? he's so tired of people being mad at him for not allowing his body twenty-four hours post eyegore. what do they want him to do? sleep? lie down? just do nothing?? that's purely desirable when others are against you loafing. when it's encouraged, it feels nasty (bad) ]

They come and go. The periods I remember everything are growing longer, though. And now that I can see again, it's less scary when I don't know where I am.

[ the moments when he forgot who he was and couldn't see and didn't quite know why he couldn't see--those moments were bleak. and he didn't know to call out to iwatooshi, because he had forgotten who that was. ]

But I've also been finding it hard to remember what hope feels like. [ like his memories, the despair, she comes, she goes ]

[ well, lucky for him that iwatooshi isn't mad, just concerned. he feels, like, the tiniest bit of relief that it's slowly going back to normal, but it still makes his heart clench. it isn't fair to caelus, not when he's already struggled with his memories as it is.

...even worse with the rest of it. this place isn't so bad, sometimes, but it's moments like these where iwatooshi really, truly hates it. ]

One of these excursions is bad enough. To target so many of you for two in the same week is even crueler.

[ though there's another brief spike of anger as he says that, but iwatooshi finds another cushion to sit upon and takes a deep breath to steady himself before focusing back on caelus. ]

If there's anything I can do to help, let me know, and I'll do it.

You're already doing it.

[ caelus has already done what he can to process that for a while more, he won't be entirely sure of who he is for any real length of time. it's not as bad as having the fox in control. he tells himself that, anyway. ]

You're letting me crash here. You told me what you're mad about when I asked.

[ his own emotions flutter toward a sort of contentment, briefly, but then he recalls the events of the evening and can't hold onto it. ]

And I know you'll be patient with me if I forget things.

[ there's a little ripple of displeasure because it sure doesn't feel like he's doing anything at all, really, but iwatooshi nods nonetheless. ]

I meant it when I said you're welcome here anytime. I've always enjoyed your company.

[ even if he's not all there. ]

If you need help remembering, I'll try. [ ignoring that he can only know what caelus has told him - which he worries may not be enough for this purpose, but it'll have to be, won't it?

there's a slight hesitation before he continues, ] After Aerith-dono, Cloud-dono, and I found ourselves in the bar, I struggled with strange effects, too. I couldn't stand to be around anyone else. It made me very anxious, enough that I didn't even stay long enough to let them check for injuries. So I'm not surprised something else has happened to you, too.

[ uncomfortable shifting of his weight from one side to the other. there are other feelings that he's been suppressing, although fortunately nothing so bad as needing to tear himself away from others. ]

I don't want to be alone. Especially when I'm alone, it feels like everything's ending and nothing matters. I sense a deep, endless despair I've never had before. It's as if it's forever going to be too late.

[ hand over his heart. ]

But it isn't a feeling I'll submit to. Even if it were all to end, I am the Trailblazer. When I can recall that, it's enough.

[ some of what he says has a touch of disbelief to it, but caelus continues to speak because maybe it will become real with enough repetition. ]

[ iwa gives him a concerned look, but otherwise remains silent, listening closely and soaking it all in. ooough this is a lot to deal with all at once, isn't it? and for caelus, of all people, to bear such a thing... he's always so bright that it hurts to listen to. ]

Then I'll keep reminding of that, too - that you are the Trailblazer of the Astral Express. The Caelus-dono that I've to know in these past weeks has always been brave, and would never give in to despair.

[ at least not in his experience... so it's comforting to hear that caelus doesn't intend to do so. ]

It's one of the many reasons why I like you.

[ it's pride and bashfulness paradoxically at war within caelus as iwatooshi speaks so highly of him. the unbearable pressure of an empty, unclean ending doesn't depart, but it's forced to make room for other, lighter sensations. even if it ends, caelus is the trailblazer who boarded the astral express and roamed the stars as long as he was able. he'll swap his seat for a kneel and knee walk to iwatooshi's side. sits again. ]

Can I stay over tonight? I'll sleep right here or wherever you want me to.

[ it's embarrassing to have to ask, like he's being utterly clingy when iwatooshi will feel obligated to allow it. but last night was ass. curled up by the kotatsu sounds much better. ]

[ fondness blooms fresh in iwatooshi's heart, and amusement as caelus kneewalks over. little weirdo. ]

Of course. But Caelus-dono, you were injured. Even if you used the springs, it's probably better if you use the futon for now - more comfortable, too.

I don't want to kick you out of your bed.

[ that would be more mortifying than beneficial. ] How big is the futon when you roll it out? If it's made for you, maybe I can fit in a corner. [ if he scrunch ]

You aren't kicking me out, I'm offering it.

[ but he won't push it. arguing with someone who's already been through so much in a single week is the last thing iwa wants to do, especially when its someone he's come to care so much about. ]

It was made for me, so there's plenty of room. [ at least he thinks so? but he glances at caelus thoughtfully, like he's trying to imagine this. a corner doesn't seem very comfortable. ] ...You're bigger than Imanotsurugi, but I don't think it'll be that much of a problem if you'd prefer to share it.

[ i actually rolled earlier to see if caelus would lose his memory in this pc and nah he remains more or less in his right mind. as right a mind as he has access to. ]

If you're okay with it.

[ if imanotsurugi did it, then iwatooshi definitely wouldn't find it awkward. as long as caelus contains his own feelings this is what they call in the biz a win/win. ]

But I won't be bothered if you don't want to.

[ why does it feel like they keep dancing around each other at times... ]

It's alright. [ he smiles. ] I don't have any extra pillows besides these cushions, but I'll lend you my chest, if that will help.

[ people sit on the cushions so they're not really made for sleeping? but titties are always good pillows, probably. he won't even suffocate caelus with them. ]

[ caelus doesn't have the sense or decency to be like 'maybe i do not wish to put my head on a butt and knee pillow'

however. he also does not have the decency to insist on using the butt-and-knee cushions when presented with option number two. ]

... If you can sleep like that, that's good for me.

[ twiddles thumbs!! emotions of please suffocate me actually ]

[ absolute bottom behavior. nina needs to update her chart.

iwatooshi just laughs. ]

I'm used to sleeping in much less comfortable conditions than that for our missions. Even at home, sometimes Imanotsurugi will fall asleep on my chest when we're resting. It isn't a problem for me, I promise.

[ nina doesn't have to update shit he's doing great you're a hater ]

You really think about him a lot.

[ oh no ohhhh noooo. that need to win. it's, uh. it's something. in this exact moment. flaring uncomfortably when caelus has never felt competitive toward that person before.

caelus cobbles a blockade but emotions of mild jealousy for iwatooshi to puzzle over. ]

Of course I do.

[ his eyes drop, briefly, to the broken blade on the tabletop as he takes a sip of tea.

...and just as quickly, back to caelus, brows knit in confusion. why those feelings? ]

Are you alright, Caelus-dono?

scawwy: pc: iwatooshi

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