trashprince | scawwy: pc: iwatooshi

[ there's just a moment's hesitation, but ultimately iwatooshi nods and comes to settle beside him with a heavy sigh. he doesn't set the weapon aside, instead just carefully leaning it on his shoulder to keep it close, almost like it's a security blanket. ]

I thought you were still looking after Aventurine-dono.

I think he's embarrassed to have people worried about him.

[ this is as much a break for caelus as it is for the gambler. ]

But showing concern is one of the only things I can do right now. Do you want to talk? Tell me what's going on in here?

[ tapping his own chest to indicate iwatooshi's. the heart. the core. ]

He should know by now that we all care.

[ absently, while he's started folding the letters to set aside - but caelus catches him off guard with that, and he pauses, unsure of what to say. swallows once, thickly, before answering. ]

I... It's difficult - putting it into words. It's all very complicated.

[ is caelus really sure he wants to deal with that? ]

Lay it on me.

[ to clarify ]

I can take however heavy or complicated your feelings are. You always believe in me, Iwatooshi. Let me be here for you now, too. It hurts, doesn't it? Don't bear it alone.

[ as intense as he's ever been, although this time it's while seated. ]

...It hurts. [ echoing caelus softly, as he takes a deep, rattling breath. ] Izutsumi-dono... All she wanted was to live freely. Kanda-dono had his own mission. And Rondo-dono...

[ his voice breaks, so he gives up that thought and tries something else. ]

Receiving his letter - it made me happier than I expected. I've missed him almost as much as I miss Imanotsurugi, just as I did you, before you joined us here. I know we'll see him soon, too, but I - I can't be happy for it when I know he's suffered.

[ a slight pause while he squeezes his eyes closed as tears start to well up again, and he clenches a fist in the fabric of the kimono, right over his heart. ]

This heart won't stop pounding. It feels like I could shatter into pieces at any moment.

[ there's an especially tragic element to someone as long-lived and as battle-worn as iwatooshi reaching a breaking point. after a thousand-plus years of life and many more battles, sorrow remains powerful enough to move the sword.

it's a remaining leyline of purity, maybe. some quintessential piece of iwatooshi's soul. it makes him more 'human' than human. his pain comes from nothing but grief for another.

You won't shatter. Not from this.

[ reaching to set his hand over the one iwatooshi has clasped to his chest. ]

You're going to feel hurt for a while, but then you'll remember that it's not the end. We're not even close.

[ there's a part of him that immediately thinks I should have broken already, but iwatooshi doesn't acknowledge it. instead he focuses on caelus's words and his touch, trying to commit them to memory. ]

It isn't over. I know it isn't. [ when his breath hitches, he squeezes his fist a little tighter before forcing it to uncurl. ] But it's even more frustrating, I think, that all we can do is watch and wait for them to join us. I should be used to it, but... somehow this is different from my missions.

Watching and waiting is the worst feeling. You want to be able to reach out, but there are so many barriers between us. But you know that Rondo will want to see you and talk to you. He won't blame you for being unable to act. He'll need you once he's here.

[ some if not many of these words are for caelus as much as they are for iwatooshi. when the other's hand relaxes, caelus presses his own tighter. ]

This path is bumpy and difficult, but that means at the real end it will be all the more satisfying that we made it.

It's agonizing.

[ watching, waiting, not knowing what's to come except for tragedy. there's a pause as he closes his eyes, as if that will shut out all the emotions in his heart, but eventually iwatooshi nods. ]

...You're right. I'll have to be there for him when he arrives. I was looking forward to seeing him again even before.

[ but not like this. not with rondo suffering at the hands of what must be a friend. iwatooshi worries how he'll take it, knowing what he knows of rondo's past - but this place really does have a way of forcing you to face the worst fears, and not always for the better.

with a sniffle, he reaches up with his free hand to rub at his eyes. ]

I'm sorry, Caelus-dono. I should be stronger if I'm going to support him.

This moment doesn't make you any weaker.

[ caelus is perhaps too tired to shed tears or did his fair share in the earlier weeks, when everything felt fresh and new. as a trailblazer must, he's adapted to tragedy as the norm. it hurts, it aches, but his freakout at aventurine and cloud's return was another sign he had to get it the fuck together. and now he can offer that to iwatooshi. an exhausted yet insurmountable will. ]

All I see in front of me is the same impossibly strong Iwatooshi who cares so deeply for his friends and allies.

[ plus: ]

Rondo will probably be crying, too.

[ ya babies. ]

You're too kind to me, Caelus-dono. You always have been.

[ it's that sweet, sweet protag energy. he offers a small smile. ]

I'm not as strong as you seem to think, but thank you, anyway.

[ a soft, hiccuping laugh - he's' still a little teary. ]

That's how he's always been.

scawwy: pc: iwatooshi

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