In any case, the water's probably fine! FAAFA and all but he will at least not stop Caelus from touching the water, so it's probably safe.]
It's a bit of an adjustment... [As someone who also lived in the church and would probably prefer living in a church to his hellish apartment room.] So if there's anything that you need, I should hope that you won't hesitate to ask. I'll do what I can to help. ...Though there's also something that you should know, before our continued association.
[No piranha or turbo leeches today... Just beautiful clear Silent Hill water, yum.
Anyway yeah he's going to ask for Caelus's underwear in return BINCH!!!! No okay, he's actually quiet for a second, because he thinks every other person here including the possessed killers would have the right to judge him for this. Which is:]
...In addition to Aerith, I was the one who killed Ichiban. It was before the monster took over. I killed him for an item in the swamp.
[And while it also feels selfish as hell to draw the topic to himself when poor Caelus has only just arrived with his own boatload of trauma, it would just feel too terrible to continue conversing with others without them knowing the truth, especially with Ichiban right the fck there.]
flashbacks to talking to someone in front of the cabinet, firmly stating nobody in scawwy would ever, ever kill for an object that made impossible promises it surely couldn't keep.
but lucas and him talked quite a bit before the former died. they shared that memory. ]
[IT'S A REAL CONFESSION OF ACTUAL GUILT!! Sometimes you're the sole binch in the bar who would kill off your own back in a combination incentives and possession game.
There's a little pause, but - potentially unsurprisingly - he nods.]
For her.
[For the young, thin girl on the bed, his baby sister barely over ten. He'd made the choice to trade a life, knowing that it would work from the intrinsic feeling of the items themselves, and confirmed in the aftermath. Other complications were involved, but as far as he considers it, that's the crux.]
I am set apart from those of you with blood on your hands, here. I only wished for you to know this so you may make your decisions regarding your interactions with me accordingly.
Why Ichiban? I would have followed you anywhere. Lots of people would.
[ heck, last week he followed someone else into the spooky ruined city (that eventually was the scene of his execution) without a second thought. it was fine. just had to deal with someone's uniquely silly curse situation. ]
[Unfortunately for him and his murderpaws, he wasn't looking for an easy target, someone to just trick into following him to their death. Life would be so much easier, damn.]
...His age. [First and foremost, because Lucas would never harm anyone younger than himself.] And his strength. Though... that was more for myself than for him.
[He can recognize that, now. He'd wanted Ichiban to be able to fight against him so he didn't feel like he was slaughtering an innocent and helpless person, but with his strength, it's all the same in the end.]
[ silence for a short while as he lets everything lucas has told him sink in. it's not that different from gale's corrosive blood, only you can't see its effects. the curdling, the pain, it's on the inside. ]
I hate this.
[ firm. ]
You saw an item that could defy destiny and save someone you love, but you did the wrong thing to get it. Ichiban is a good guy. You know that! You...
[ so annoying! ]
How are you supposed to get the Vicks to her if you're stuck here?
[ SO SO ANNOYING ]
How are you supposed to get anything done if nobody trusts you?
["You tried to save someone you love, but did the wrong thing to get it" is, he's realizing, a very succinct way of rounding up a good portion of his short life. He folds his hands together, looking toward the fountain water.]
...Yes. I know. I understand that. [With a much clearer head, it's easier to see.] In taking the innocent life of a good man, I've proven what I am. I intend to repent for my sins in Hades, when the time comes.
[Though repenting hardly means much, he's also learning. Repenting doesn't bring back the dead.]
The Vicks has already been delivered. Many here are also making efforts to continue working together with me, regardless of what I've done. At the very least, I can promise that I will do all that I'm able to help wherever I can, and remove myself when my presence is too much of a hindrance.
[ hand up to cradle his own head. this doesn't hurt his brain because it's difficult for him to process now that it's out in the open. it hurts everything, because it's lucas who committed a hatecrime against a large bottom bisexual. ]
And you aren't a hindrance.
[ caelus, speaking for everyone when all he knows is his own feelings ]
You love your sister and you were blinded by the chance to save her. I don't discount the people who fall to Stellaron corrosion, either, when they're promised all their wishes granted. I wish they'd made better choices, but I don't hate them.
[Caelus truly is the funniest person. He's just sort of quiet for a few moments, listening to Caelus speak and then digesting what he's said.]
...It wouldn't be remiss if you did, even so.
[Just in case there's any doubt that he's in his Catholic Guilt era and is always more surprised and concerned and uncomfortable when people choose not to hate him and try to punch him immediately on sight. He unfolds his hands, folds them back together, the gesture a bit restless.]
Lucas is just quiet for a second, glancing up and over from the water and seeing this FACE that he has NEVER SEEN BEFORE. It's still a better face than what he feels he deserves, though.]
I understand. [That he's created this awful situation and also murdered a wholeass Ichiban about it, and it's something to be more than angry about, so really, this is a reaction where he's counting his blessings.]
I won't do anything to make you regret your choice to continue working with me.
[HE'S STILL WAITING FOR THE MOMENT EVERYONE DECIDES THEY DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH AN INTENTIONAL PAWS MURDERER AFTER ALL which he thinks would be very fair and valid of them.
He just unclasps and reclasps his hands again, glancing back toward the fountain. It's hard to come up with halfway decent things to say when there are no halfway decent things that can be said.]
It was the very least that I could do. If it weren't for the fact that I know Nadia still needs me, I would have preferred to simply speak of it after trial. [Unfortunately, he committed to the escape artist route only to get monsterized immediately, as you do.]
I do apologize for putting even more on your shoulders when you've already been dealing with so much this week, but it wouldn't feel right to let you carry on speaking to me without knowing the full truth.
You know, Yuffie saw that same memory of Aventurine that you did. And she didn't have to deal with me asking for her underwear after, so we had time to talk about it.
[ his arms press tighter into his own body, but he continues without any change in his calmed down tone. ]
And she wondered why I forgave someone who would do that to me.
[ an exhale through his nose ]
A lot of people lie to me. They want to use me as a Trailblazer because our position is important or they want to use me as the body that holds a Stellaron. They mess with my memories, they attack my friends, and they set me up because... sometimes you're the game token, not the player.
[ lets that sit for another breath. ]
If I can accept and forgive the people who treat me like that, I can show them it's not who I am. And then there's nothing that can stop me. That's my path.
[THEY REALLY DIDN'T GET TO TALK ABOUT CAELUS'S MEMORY AT ALL BECAUSE OF HIS DAMN UNDERWEAR QUEST.
But he just listens as Caelus talks and explains, once again turning his gaze back like a pingpong match of attention. His expression is a little difficult to read, and a little difficult in general, but he's attentive, quiet.
For a person who has apparently spent his life being lied to and taken advantage of, he does suppose that this is a sensible way of wresting back some control. There are a few moments of silence, and then:]
I'm sorry that you've had to find a way to present yourself to specifically counter these things. [But he supposes it's also unavoidable for someone in such a unique and uniquely harrowing situation.] ...I'm glad that it's led you to a path that will carry you forward no matter what trials you face, though.
[Even if the trials are just dealing with fucking VILLAINS AND MURDERERS.]
[ me, making sure caelus goes to the graveyard so he can leash EVERY BLOND AND GINGER BASTARD that has given him even the slightest reason to need leashing.
except cloud. aerith has that on lock. ]
Like I said, admitting everything, especially when you don't have to--
[ it'd just be soooo awkward ]
--took courage. I'm taking that into account.
[ realizing earlier he called him just 'lucas' and not 'master lucas' so perhaps deep down he had an idea there was something terrible and off going on. a blip within his soul. ]
[HELP AERITH JUST LEASHED THIS BLOND SO WELL THAT NO ONE ELSE NEEDS TO LEASH HIM.
It'd be so awkward, though. It would be sooo awkward. He's not sure if courage is the right word for it, but he's not about to argue with a man who can sense deep down in his soul that something is off.
The statement has him canting his head to the side, though.]
Now that I can go to the beach again, I can work on a new version of Iwatooshi and my sand kingdom. The two-point-oh version is gonna be called Ichitopia.
[ the biggest internal sigh. this is okay. he will find a way to make this work. they'll get lucas back to his sister and ichiban back to his beach. it's totally, totally fine. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
That's understandable. You've been through a great deal. [So has Marina, so has EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS CURSED BAR.]
Have you found the apartments yet? They ought to have a key for you at the front desk, so you can have a room to yourself should you need the space.
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It feels strange to be offered my own place after spending a month in the barn.
[ he keeps thinking about a certain person he left behind. the one who isn't a mean cat. ]
That horse stall became my home.
[ is it safe to dip his bare fingers in the water? caelus knows of one way to find out ]
no subject
In any case, the water's probably fine! FAAFA and all but he will at least not stop Caelus from touching the water, so it's probably safe.]
It's a bit of an adjustment... [As someone who also lived in the church and would probably prefer living in a church to his hellish apartment room.] So if there's anything that you need, I should hope that you won't hesitate to ask. I'll do what I can to help. ...Though there's also something that you should know, before our continued association.
no subject
After what I did today, I don't plan on passing a whole lot of judgement.
[ is lucas about to say some out of pocket shit to get caelus back for the underwear? is this a real confession of actual guilt? ]
You can say whatever you want to me.
no subject
Anyway yeah he's going to ask for Caelus's underwear in return BINCH!!!! No okay, he's actually quiet for a second, because he thinks every other person here including the possessed killers would have the right to judge him for this. Which is:]
...In addition to Aerith, I was the one who killed Ichiban. It was before the monster took over. I killed him for an item in the swamp.
[And while it also feels selfish as hell to draw the topic to himself when poor Caelus has only just arrived with his own boatload of trauma, it would just feel too terrible to continue conversing with others without them knowing the truth, especially with Ichiban right the fck there.]
no subject
flashbacks to talking to someone in front of the cabinet, firmly stating nobody in scawwy would ever, ever kill for an object that made impossible promises it surely couldn't keep.
but lucas and him talked quite a bit before the former died. they shared that memory. ]
Was it for the Vicks?
no subject
There's a little pause, but - potentially unsurprisingly - he nods.]
For her.
[For the young, thin girl on the bed, his baby sister barely over ten. He'd made the choice to trade a life, knowing that it would work from the intrinsic feeling of the items themselves, and confirmed in the aftermath. Other complications were involved, but as far as he considers it, that's the crux.]
I am set apart from those of you with blood on your hands, here. I only wished for you to know this so you may make your decisions regarding your interactions with me accordingly.
no subject
[ heck, last week he followed someone else into the spooky ruined city (that eventually was the scene of his execution) without a second thought. it was fine. just had to deal with someone's uniquely silly curse situation. ]
no subject
...His age. [First and foremost, because Lucas would never harm anyone younger than himself.] And his strength. Though... that was more for myself than for him.
[He can recognize that, now. He'd wanted Ichiban to be able to fight against him so he didn't feel like he was slaughtering an innocent and helpless person, but with his strength, it's all the same in the end.]
no subject
I hate this.
[ firm. ]
You saw an item that could defy destiny and save someone you love, but you did the wrong thing to get it. Ichiban is a good guy. You know that! You...
[ so annoying! ]
How are you supposed to get the Vicks to her if you're stuck here?
[ SO SO ANNOYING ]
How are you supposed to get anything done if nobody trusts you?
no subject
...Yes. I know. I understand that. [With a much clearer head, it's easier to see.] In taking the innocent life of a good man, I've proven what I am. I intend to repent for my sins in Hades, when the time comes.
[Though repenting hardly means much, he's also learning. Repenting doesn't bring back the dead.]
The Vicks has already been delivered. Many here are also making efforts to continue working together with me, regardless of what I've done. At the very least, I can promise that I will do all that I'm able to help wherever I can, and remove myself when my presence is too much of a hindrance.
no subject
[ hand up to cradle his own head. this doesn't hurt his brain because it's difficult for him to process now that it's out in the open. it hurts everything, because it's lucas who committed a hatecrime against a large bottom bisexual. ]
And you aren't a hindrance.
[ caelus, speaking for everyone when all he knows is his own feelings ]
You love your sister and you were blinded by the chance to save her. I don't discount the people who fall to Stellaron corrosion, either, when they're promised all their wishes granted. I wish they'd made better choices, but I don't hate them.
[ he hates this. the situation. not lucas ]
no subject
...It wouldn't be remiss if you did, even so.
[Just in case there's any doubt that he's in his Catholic Guilt era and is always more surprised and concerned and uncomfortable when people choose not to hate him and try to punch him immediately on sight. He unfolds his hands, folds them back together, the gesture a bit restless.]
no subject
[ oh, he did it! ]
But I don't hate you and I want to keep working with you.
[ but this face. has he ever turned this face toward lucas??? has he?? ]
no subject
Lucas is just quiet for a second, glancing up and over from the water and seeing this FACE that he has NEVER SEEN BEFORE. It's still a better face than what he feels he deserves, though.]
I understand. [That he's created this awful situation and also murdered a wholeass Ichiban about it, and it's something to be more than angry about, so really, this is a reaction where he's counting his blessings.]
I won't do anything to make you regret your choice to continue working with me.
no subject
[ snapping, too! hasn't done that before. but he'll cool down once he's gone and been even mildly huffy toward a professed killer. ]
This is really the worst.
[ 'this,' though. not 'you are.' his arms cross over his chest, a tad protective although not from any physical harm. ]
It took guts to tell me right away.
no subject
He just unclasps and reclasps his hands again, glancing back toward the fountain. It's hard to come up with halfway decent things to say when there are no halfway decent things that can be said.]
It was the very least that I could do. If it weren't for the fact that I know Nadia still needs me, I would have preferred to simply speak of it after trial. [Unfortunately, he committed to the escape artist route only to get monsterized immediately, as you do.]
I do apologize for putting even more on your shoulders when you've already been dealing with so much this week, but it wouldn't feel right to let you carry on speaking to me without knowing the full truth.
no subject
[ his arms press tighter into his own body, but he continues without any change in his calmed down tone. ]
And she wondered why I forgave someone who would do that to me.
[ an exhale through his nose ]
A lot of people lie to me. They want to use me as a Trailblazer because our position is important or they want to use me as the body that holds a Stellaron. They mess with my memories, they attack my friends, and they set me up because... sometimes you're the game token, not the player.
[ lets that sit for another breath. ]
If I can accept and forgive the people who treat me like that, I can show them it's not who I am. And then there's nothing that can stop me. That's my path.
no subject
But he just listens as Caelus talks and explains, once again turning his gaze back like a pingpong match of attention. His expression is a little difficult to read, and a little difficult in general, but he's attentive, quiet.
For a person who has apparently spent his life being lied to and taken advantage of, he does suppose that this is a sensible way of wresting back some control. There are a few moments of silence, and then:]
I'm sorry that you've had to find a way to present yourself to specifically counter these things. [But he supposes it's also unavoidable for someone in such a unique and uniquely harrowing situation.] ...I'm glad that it's led you to a path that will carry you forward no matter what trials you face, though.
[Even if the trials are just dealing with fucking VILLAINS AND MURDERERS.]
no subject
except cloud. aerith has that on lock. ]
Like I said, admitting everything, especially when you don't have to--
[ it'd just be soooo awkward ]
--took courage. I'm taking that into account.
[ realizing earlier he called him just 'lucas' and not 'master lucas' so perhaps deep down he had an idea there was something terrible and off going on. a blip within his soul. ]
I know something you can do right away.
no subject
It'd be so awkward, though. It would be sooo awkward. He's not sure if courage is the right word for it, but he's not about to argue with a man who can sense deep down in his soul that something is off.
The statement has him canting his head to the side, though.]
What would that be?
no subject
[ teehee. ]
You can lend a hand.
no subject
Oh... If you'd like help with it, then certainly.
no subject
[ the biggest internal sigh. this is okay. he will find a way to make this work. they'll get lucas back to his sister and ichiban back to his beach. it's totally, totally fine. ]
no subject
Just direct me whenever you start, then.
[Go ahead and alpha boss him around, he will listen because it's the least he can do after punching out a man's heart.]