trashprince | scawwy: pc: iwatooshi

[ uncomfortable shifting of his weight from one side to the other. there are other feelings that he's been suppressing, although fortunately nothing so bad as needing to tear himself away from others. ]

I don't want to be alone. Especially when I'm alone, it feels like everything's ending and nothing matters. I sense a deep, endless despair I've never had before. It's as if it's forever going to be too late.

[ hand over his heart. ]

But it isn't a feeling I'll submit to. Even if it were all to end, I am the Trailblazer. When I can recall that, it's enough.

[ some of what he says has a touch of disbelief to it, but caelus continues to speak because maybe it will become real with enough repetition. ]

[ iwa gives him a concerned look, but otherwise remains silent, listening closely and soaking it all in. ooough this is a lot to deal with all at once, isn't it? and for caelus, of all people, to bear such a thing... he's always so bright that it hurts to listen to. ]

Then I'll keep reminding of that, too - that you are the Trailblazer of the Astral Express. The Caelus-dono that I've to know in these past weeks has always been brave, and would never give in to despair.

[ at least not in his experience... so it's comforting to hear that caelus doesn't intend to do so. ]

It's one of the many reasons why I like you.

[ it's pride and bashfulness paradoxically at war within caelus as iwatooshi speaks so highly of him. the unbearable pressure of an empty, unclean ending doesn't depart, but it's forced to make room for other, lighter sensations. even if it ends, caelus is the trailblazer who boarded the astral express and roamed the stars as long as he was able. he'll swap his seat for a kneel and knee walk to iwatooshi's side. sits again. ]

Can I stay over tonight? I'll sleep right here or wherever you want me to.

[ it's embarrassing to have to ask, like he's being utterly clingy when iwatooshi will feel obligated to allow it. but last night was ass. curled up by the kotatsu sounds much better. ]

[ fondness blooms fresh in iwatooshi's heart, and amusement as caelus kneewalks over. little weirdo. ]

Of course. But Caelus-dono, you were injured. Even if you used the springs, it's probably better if you use the futon for now - more comfortable, too.

I don't want to kick you out of your bed.

[ that would be more mortifying than beneficial. ] How big is the futon when you roll it out? If it's made for you, maybe I can fit in a corner. [ if he scrunch ]

You aren't kicking me out, I'm offering it.

[ but he won't push it. arguing with someone who's already been through so much in a single week is the last thing iwa wants to do, especially when its someone he's come to care so much about. ]

It was made for me, so there's plenty of room. [ at least he thinks so? but he glances at caelus thoughtfully, like he's trying to imagine this. a corner doesn't seem very comfortable. ] ...You're bigger than Imanotsurugi, but I don't think it'll be that much of a problem if you'd prefer to share it.

[ i actually rolled earlier to see if caelus would lose his memory in this pc and nah he remains more or less in his right mind. as right a mind as he has access to. ]

If you're okay with it.

[ if imanotsurugi did it, then iwatooshi definitely wouldn't find it awkward. as long as caelus contains his own feelings this is what they call in the biz a win/win. ]

But I won't be bothered if you don't want to.

[ why does it feel like they keep dancing around each other at times... ]

It's alright. [ he smiles. ] I don't have any extra pillows besides these cushions, but I'll lend you my chest, if that will help.

[ people sit on the cushions so they're not really made for sleeping? but titties are always good pillows, probably. he won't even suffocate caelus with them. ]

[ caelus doesn't have the sense or decency to be like 'maybe i do not wish to put my head on a butt and knee pillow'

however. he also does not have the decency to insist on using the butt-and-knee cushions when presented with option number two. ]

... If you can sleep like that, that's good for me.

[ twiddles thumbs!! emotions of please suffocate me actually ]

[ absolute bottom behavior. nina needs to update her chart.

iwatooshi just laughs. ]

I'm used to sleeping in much less comfortable conditions than that for our missions. Even at home, sometimes Imanotsurugi will fall asleep on my chest when we're resting. It isn't a problem for me, I promise.

[ nina doesn't have to update shit he's doing great you're a hater ]

You really think about him a lot.

[ oh no ohhhh noooo. that need to win. it's, uh. it's something. in this exact moment. flaring uncomfortably when caelus has never felt competitive toward that person before.

caelus cobbles a blockade but emotions of mild jealousy for iwatooshi to puzzle over. ]

Of course I do.

[ his eyes drop, briefly, to the broken blade on the tabletop as he takes a sip of tea.

...and just as quickly, back to caelus, brows knit in confusion. why those feelings? ]

Are you alright, Caelus-dono?

I'm okay.

[ he will be once thought+emotionshare have both passed on! his gaze flits down, too, searching for whatever iwatooshi had been looking at. ]

What is that?

[ nosy (as he accused others of being at the party). caelus leans forward to look at the broken blade more closely ]

Are you sure...?

[ doubt. ]

It's Imanotsurugi. [ sorrow blooms in his heart, slow and quiet but undeniable. ] I saw him while we were in the bar. That is what was left of him when we awoke.

[ there's more to the story there, but for now, that's the simplest answer he can offer. ]

[ that sorrow of iwatooshi's is enough to slice clean through the murky feelings caelus already wanted to detach from. ]

It could be fake. I saw friends of mine during my missions this week, but it wasn't really them.

[ 'missions' ]

Did he say anything to you?

It is, but it's all I have.

[ he simply refuses to believe it's the real thing. ]

Mikazuki-dono did most of the talking. Imanotsurugi... [ he takes a deep breath before continuing. ] After he stabbed me, he asked what we were made for. If it was to take lives and later be broken and discarded. That was all he had the chance for before Cloud-dono cut through him, and he broke in half.

[ a wince. cloud did what had to be done, but that can't have been pleasant for iwatooshi to witness. ]

This place preys heavily on the things you feel the most guilt about. I wish I'd been around when that happened.

[ possibly caelus would have attacked the same as cloud (albeit with a bat instead of a buster sword), but he would have been there for iwa during the spiral to follow. ]

Yes. That's why we take care to try to warn everyone who joins us here.

[ he smiles, grateful. ]

Thank you, Caelus-dono, but it's alright. It was weeks ago now.

[ gazing down at the fake--it has to be fake--imanotsurugi again. ]

Is it a good idea for you to keep this? If it's not him, having it here must be pretty painful for you.

[ if it was the other sword for realsies, that'd be a whole other story ]

I don't know, but it didn't feel right to leave it, either. [ ... ] It isn't the worst thing. I talk to him sometimes, when it gets too quiet here.

If that ever isn't enough, please call on me, too.

[ he tapes over any lingering despair with newfound confidence. required, so iwatooshi will believe in this promise as much as all the others. ]

I'll come over anytime. Or you can come to my place! My door is open to you.

[ hmmmmm there's a little bit of uncertainty in his heart, still, but iwatooshi eventually nods. ]

I'll keep that in mind, Caelus-dono. Thank you.

[ but there's an easy out from a conversation about feelings, so he gladly takes it. ]

...I am curious to see what your room is like. They all seem to be very different.

scawwy: pc: iwatooshi

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